What if a midlife crisis isn't actually a crisis at all, but just what happens when we stay on autopilot for too long? Today's guest, Salma Samaha, turned her own transitions into a framework that helps people stop living on repeat and start building real momentum. Welcome to Break Free from the Burnout. I'm your host, Dr. Anastasia Chopelas, physicist turned energy healer, and I'm here to help you make the quantum shifts to release the hidden blocks to your success. hi, Salma. Everyone has a personal story about how they got started down this path. I'm welcoming you to the show, and I can't wait to hear your story. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I'm so happy to, to meet here and discuss, more about this interesting topic, midlife. what about your own midlife transition, how it shapes the work that you do now? Let me tell you, like, I think I started foc- because my PhD, so, my PhD is about culture and territory from Rome. So practically I'm a change strategist across people and places, and I was amazed how people, for them, if you're already 40, whatever you do, it's like, are you doing a midlife crisis? For them, any change, any decision, especially if you decide to change something by yourself, it's not like, a change that comes, from circumstance. You're an empty nester, you relocate, or by chance. Like, you have to give a reason for that, because for them, it's you have a midlife crisis. And for me, it's not, it wasn't never like this. For me, I believe that- Like innovation, it's part of life. Change is the only constant. Yes. And people are not aware of that. Like, they are aware when it's a huge change, so, "Ah, wow, I'm aware of that," and they deal with it. But if it's not a decision, they are not aware that something is changing, and for them, it's a crisis. And being someone that, as my friend Charles says, "My only constant is my curly hair," so I have… Yes. So I always wanted innovation because I think it's directly related to have a meaningful, intentional life. Like, having always something to look forward to, because when you feel you're growing old, when you don't have progress, you don't feel you're progressing, you're drifting and you don't know what you're doing. Like, you, you're waiting for Godot, literally. So here, and after, like, many people asked me about that, and I started sharing my frameworks because eventually as the l- the nerd in me created the frameworks to help me, build these, changes that I already want that, and every kind of change. It can be running a marathon or, early retiring or relocating or, Yeah. Yeah. in my own life, it was recognizing that, w- our life, we have a runway, right? And as you get older, your runway gets shorter and shorter and shorter, and so then you think, "Well…" A lot of people think, "Well, it's too late for me to learn how to play piano," for example, so they don't pursue it even though it's something they've always wanted. And then the other thing that happens is that physically we change. Like, we women, our hormones, and even men, our hormones change actually pretty rapidly after the age of 40. And so then our estrogen starts to go away, and I- I always say estrogen is the compliance hormone. That means you just get along with everything, and then all of a sudden you're going, "Hey, wait a minute. Something's wrong here." Right. So how, how did you get started? What's the first thing you did as you turned your own patterns into midlife transition by design? I, I think I need to p- to, pin something here. Like, when you mentioned, like, how time we have, the time we have is limited, it's a reality. But for me, being, born and raised in a war zone, for me, the limited time was not only linked to over 40 Like I witnessed people, like, leaving much younger than that. That's why I think I was aware that I need to make every day count. That's, that's like I'm doing some… I make every day count, as you said. I divide my days, so this is the design.

taking care of my body, of my… resetting my mind, connecting with people, new people, and making sure I'm, I'm nurturing the valuable connections I already have, and having a purpose. So I was aware I needed that. That's how I created, like, to be able to do that, I have all these framework. Like, this one is literally, have a pocket time. It's not like every day you will, run a marathon, but once time, one time it will be one-minute planks, for example, for your body. Because when you do it e- b- every day, it will be automatic, like brushing your teeth. Yes. So every day, minimum, for example, I will call my parents for the social. It's the minimum when I don't have at all time, and I'm focusing maybe on my purpose, building the purpose I have for the moment. And, this is how, like, practically to be able to do that, how come you have the time for all this? No, I don't have the time for this. I'm eliminating decision fatigue. I have frameworks I follow. Yes. I've built, like, what I call my momentum map. I have a momentum map I follow. Yes. And as a landscape designer, I follow it, and I fine-tune it, and sometimes I make a detour. Yes. And o- this is how we live by design, not by default. Oh, yes. By default, by design instead. Yeah, having a purpose is really important. Yes. scientific research into people living with purpose, like when you're living in your purpose, it produces happiness. Like, it's not just happy, happy like making jokes, but it's this deep fulfillment when you're living in your purpose, and having a purpose is super important. And, I, I thought that was really fascinating. It, it was recent research here at UCLA. So You've worked with people in this living by design rather than by default. Yes. So what, what do you commonly do for the midlifers you work with, and what does that final result look like? walk us through that process. Like already, I b- I believe in action. Like already They need to define what they want, because practically people sometimes they don't know what they want, but they feel like something is missing. Like, there is no spark to their days. They are waiting for other people to fill their days, which is… time is what we have, it's the most resource we have. It's a non-refundable, non-reusable, resource. Yes. And, you wait for others to fill it to you, for you. And even, like, like, I help people, for example, when they retired, and suddenly they were waiting all the y- the years for retirement, and after they are bored and they don't know what to do. Like others, they are preparing for retirement. I help them decide what's for them, how to make every day count. Yes. Every day count for their purpose, but at the same time, to be able to achieve their purpose, they need to take care of their body, their mind, and have a social, connection. Yes. Like, a lot of them, like- Those are all, all important. Yes. Yeah. I, I believe in these four cores and I lived by them. I lived in three continents, four countries, relocated a lot. But it's important. And I still have, like, friendship for more than 40 years before the era of WhatsApp and, social media. So it's important. Like, we are social creatures. So practically, they are happy to wake up in the morning. They have a reason to wake up to. They have people they see, like, on, in person on regular basis. They have something in common, not,"Okay, I'm obliged to see these people because these are the people around me." So they are there, and these relationships are draining their energy instead of, sparking their lives. So yeah. So practically, They are designing their life, literally. So They are li- … will not have regrets later on."Oh, what if I did that?" What I call a what if free life. Oh, what if free life? I love that Yeah. What if free life? Because what if I tried? What… No what if. We don't want what if. Yeah, when I heard somebody say, "I'm too old to play the piano," and I said, "Okay, so in five years," right? If I- You wish you had started. Yeah. If you look back five years ago, in five years you can either still not bu- be playing the piano or you could have taken lessons this whole time. Exactly. it's not like you're gonna be a concert pianist, but at least you'll get to enjoy it. You never know. I had the same experience. Now I'm training for my fifth marathon. I remember when my brother told me about training for the first marathon when he was training for his first. I told him, "No, no, no, I'm a hiker." Because, outside is my happy place, as you can imagine, as a landscape architect and from young. Yes. So yeah. So, and when I realized that I told him, "No, no, no, I'm a hiker," that in my mind I was saying, "You're 45. It's too late to run a marathon." It was a wake-up call for me. I said, "If you're now saying it's too late because you're 45, so you will end up saying no to many things." Yes, I agree with that a lot. Anastasia, and it was for me, I made a goal how you s- everything you start small. If not, like, people put big goals, and that's why they, they are not consistent. So it's my superpower, staying consistent. I… Really. So I decided I will, run 5K before the end of the year. It was, I remember, November 11. I took a, an injury-free protocol, because at 45 I didn't want to get injured. it's very difficult to… L- like you told me, you have a knee injury and everything, so- Yeah, it's- Yeah … and so I can still run, like, a mile at a time, but I don't really… It's gets uncomfortable. Yeah. So what I did instead is I started lifting weights when I was 56. Wow. Bravo. And people go, "Am I too old for this?" And I go, Never… if you're too old, then I'm really this?" And I'm thinking to myself, what? Exactly. Yes. So practically it took me six weeks to run nonstop 5K, and now I will say, "Oh, I only have 5K." Yeah. You shift your limits. Yes. It's- You shift your baseline, but you need to start small and build up on that. Yeah, when I tell people something's walking distance, I, I really mean, like, three miles is walking distance, which is 5K about. Yeah. So just for people who are in the metric system. I lived in both systems, so I can tell centigrade and Fahrenheit, miles and kilometers. They're- Wow.… pr- pretty, they're pretty They're interchangeable. I know in Canada mostly things are metric now, right? Yeah. So, yeah, so could you give, one or two top tips for moving out of autopilot and into intentional living? Yeah. I will say first of all, you need to find what you want. rediscover what you want. What you truly want. Give yourself the permission- To remember what you want and start building it. First one, like the first little, little thing to do, and, define the pocket dose to do every day, repeat it every day, and when it becomes very, automatic, you start to increase, and maybe you add something new because it's becomes… Like, you don't think about it- Yes … you don't track it. So, so a lot of people don't really know what they want. Is- do you have a discovery process for that? Yeah. Yeah, I help them do that. Y- I think To be in peace with ourselves, we need to feel that we are doing our best In every day. And when you do your best every day, but you do what you want to do, you need to, to feel that you are progressing. So you have to be present to discover what you really want. Give yourself the permission. Be present for yourself. Be present in your surroundings, so practically be present for all people, so presence. And after you will see the progress, and it will be a cycle of internal peace, and, all the dynamism will change, interacting with people. Because, not taking the decision is a decision. Yes. I agree with that. Is it? And, and I can't emphasize enough how important relationships are to happiness. Yeah. Right? So, and, and- But also your relationship with yourself. Yes, that comes first. Yeah. Is being able to accept yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself. Like- Exactly… right? And, and, and- And be honest with yourself. Yes. Like, sometimes you are lying to yourself. No. Yeah. we, we were born, like, in a, an era where knowledge was, wow, a rare currency. Now, knowledge is everywhere. The problem is acting, is you need to act on the knowledge. You need to apply the knowledge, and the idea, for me, it's action. You need to take action every day. It's not… You can't say, like,"Later, I will take care for my health, and now I will work on my purpose," or, "Later, I…" It's all connected. It's a lifestyle. Yeah. I like your- It is … your comment about being present in your life, because a lot- Yeah … of people use all kinds of means to escape, you know? Yes. Like being addicted to your phone, being addicted to YouTube, being addicted to watching shows, being addicted to, food, being addicted… Whatever it is, it's always an escape out of life, and being present in life is really difficult. Exactly. Yeah. And I think that's why they judge other people that, especially after 40, that decided to be present and, make every day count. Because it will highlight that they are not doing what they want. Like, they are h- It highlight that it's possible, but they are not taking action. Because, like, I meet a lot of people, I don't know, maybe you can think about that, about many. Like, some people, I see them, once a year or once a month. And they are nagging about the same thing- Yeah … and they are not taking action. Yeah. Okay, for me it's, or accept it, and so you don't talk about it, and it will be, it will not drain your energy, because you are giving energy to the thing that y- you don't like. S- or you change it. There is no other way. You don't like it- I was in a- or you act, or- Yes, I was in a self-help group for several years, and the same people were talking about the same issues and couldn't move forward. And I was like, "No, I can't be like this anymore." Yeah. And I moved forward really quickly, and I basically graduated out of the group because I couldn't listen to the same stories over and over and over. I'm, I will state it. I'm against this victim, Yeah … victim, identity people i- iden- identified, uh, again. Yes, exactly. Please, you are not a victim. I, I had so many issues in my life. If I will put them, it will be wow, all this. Already I was born- … and raised in a war zone. So, so please. And you know- Yeah … no And people don't realize, after hearing your story about growing up in a war zone, people don't realize how fortunate they are. Exactly. Yeah. You don't take anything for granted. Yeah, when I lived in- That's a problem… yeah, I lived in Australia for a a while, and both of those places are actually pretty good to live in. But when I moved back to the US, it was familiar to me, and I felt great. I feel grateful to be here, and I live very near- Yeah … the coast. And it's a… even in the worst weather, it's still pleasant. Like, it doesn't ever get really too hot or too cold. Yeah. It's sunny the year round, and people complain, like in May it gets a little gloomy, and then they say,"Where is the California sunshine?" I said, "Come in December." I think people are now in a copy/paste society. Like for example, okay, I'm, I'm in Montreal. Like everyone, "Okay, you moved to Canada." It was a surprise that we have snow for almost six months. What's this? Like, I literally start Walk With Me, on YouTube because it was, okay, I'm showing you that I'm walking the talk, and I disclaimer it's not a tourism video. I'm showing you I'm walking the talk. There is a storm. There i- it's raining. They invented the clothes. They invented the umbrella. Imagine what they were doing 500 years ago. You know? Really, like you need to put things into context. Yes. And people are not doing that. Like, it's, ah, okay, it's winter. We need to, to, oh, it's winter, snow. What are… Will you hibernate for four months? What are you doing, you know? And after they will say it's too hot. Like, it's a state or mi- of mind. It's a dif- it's a decision. You want every day to count, like, like literally- Mm… because I believe in daily action. I believe also in- Assessing my week by week, not by months, not by quarter, not by, December to decide on my, New Year resolutions, and we know all how, what happens with New Year resolutions. For me, it's weekly to course correct am I going in the right direction in the design I decided because I'm privileged enough to decide what I want to do in my life You know? Based on all the constraints and everything, it's a reality, because people are, shocked when life happens. But life will happen always. Yeah. You don't build a life, that is- Life is what you're h- life is what happens when you're busy making plans. Exactly. Yeah. So you know my frameworks, they, they work because they are not theoretical. They are, It's not theory. It's based on practical things. It… They will still work even when life is messy, is busy, and even if it's empty, because we know a lot, that starting midlife, a lot are having empty days. Like- Yes, their children are grown, their purpose has changed. Exactly. Yeah. Their job has changed. They might be promoted to a managerial position. Yeah. Or, right? Or like, for me, when I was in that 40s to 50s, I got voted as president of this organization with a bunch of scientists, and I just sort of took over as matter of fact. I go, "Yeah, I'm not person in the audience anymore. Now I'm in the front of the room." Right? It's different. So there's transitions happening all of the time, and those transitions are just… They're just normal. You grow into 'em. Yes. And a lot of people don't want it. I had a… When I was, working at an oil company, we had a gentleman there that had been working there longer than I had been alive at that point. I was in my early 30s, and I, I… His name was Bill. I said, "Hey, Bill, don't you want to get promoted?" "Nope. I like doing what I do because I get to…" He was a Boy Scout, troop leader. He says, "I get to be with my Boy Scouts every weekend. I don't have to think about being a manager." Wow. Right? So- So he knows what he wants. Yeah, he knew what he wanted, but he- Yeah … didn't want to move farther. Yeah. Yeah. So- You, you don't… Yeah, so do you. Go ahead. So I was gonna ask you, what makes you different from others with your particular skill set as a midlife momentum mentor, and someone bridging- I would say- … science with lived experience? Yeah. because practically, My tools or my frameworks, first I lived all kind of, life transitions first. Like, relocation, I told you, I was counting how many deco- relocations I had. I'm a single mom and I'm a- an empty nester. I'm an early retired from academia. I, I decided a lot of, life transitions. I think for me it's not only that I, I was, "Okay, oh, I had this, I lived, if you want, changes by circumstance or by chance. I chased change I, I think it's crucial. I have changed, changed- See, I think we're sisters from different mothers, because I did the same. My, my parents, so I… This is my parents' house here. Okay. And they bought it in 1967 and lived in it until the day they died. Wow. And, and, and they were married together for 66 years. They got married when they were 18 and 19. Wow. yeah, so they were, like, constant. They never moved. They never- You know, they did traveling. They traveled to Greece, and they came to Germany when I lived there and things. But they were, they just had this constant life, where mine was, like, I was trying to move into something. I just kept moving into something. Oh, I'd like to try that hat on. How does that feel? No, I don't want that one. Yeah. Here, let me get this one on. Yeah. And try different things, and, my mom thought I was crazy. And, for me, I, I, li- l- like I told you, she thought you, like, "Are you crazy, Anastasia?" Because for her, it's like you're doing something unconventional. Like, you don't have to start when, in, in adulthood, you need to do the same thing over and over again, and that's it. For me, it's not only, like, I change things. Like, for academia, okay, I, like, I stayed for 25 years. I have my, my consultancy practice for all this time, but I was adding layers. Like, we are layers and layers. Yes. We are not only one layer. We are layers, a, a whole layers, and we are unique about that. Because everyone has their layers differently. Even with the same layers, maybe they are not in the same order. So practically, for example, I was, involved with, I was voted twice the Chair of Education of the International Federation of In, of, Landscape Architects. uh, I founded NGOs. I, I did a lot of things at the same time. Yes. I was adding things, and people don't understand that. I notice, especially when you're on social media, they think, You are only what you're showing on social media. Like a lot of people, thought you're not working as a landscape architect anymore, or you're not on- No, no, no, I'm, I'm really… There is a lot of things you can do, you know? And, yeah So I think I have a… Yeah, I chase change. I help them really build. It's a holistic thing. It's a lifestyle. It's not like something, and they reach the, the finish line. Because w- as any marathoner, when you reach the finish line, you register for another race. So You choose something else to look forward to. Yeah, I've done a lot of 10Ks, and so there was a gentleman that had a shirt on that said, "There is no finish line." Exactly. I could- I know, yeah. L- I think really a lot of people will say li- life is a marathon. I agree with that, being a four-time marathoner, and I think intentional life is a marathon, not any life. Intentional life is a marathon. Like- Yeah, and the- Yeah … the thing is that you can… Yeah, I really love what you're saying, that you can fit so many different things into your life. You don't have to just experience this one thing. Yeah. Right? You're a landscape architect. You've got this business. You've got other things, and it's the same with what I'm doing. Oh, and you're also into marathoning. Yeah, yeah. because also, for example, for people, they are putting landscape architect is they are doing this thing. No, landscape architects, they do a lot of things. Like for me, in landscape architecture, I'm more into outdoor wellness, which is outdoor wellness is practically the umbrella of, of my, my frameworks. Why? Because when you build habits, and everything is, proven by science, when you build habits, it takes time. When your habits are linked to outdoors, you can take them wherever you want. Yes, I agree with that. You are in the US, you want to move to Greece, you go to Greece. You continue. You just open the door, and you go outside. Yeah. And, you continue. And yeah, and after, over 40, we want really this freedom of location, freedom of time. It's not, you're not linked to a gym or linked only to a PT. Y- like you open the door, you do it. So- Yeah, you can take your laptop anywhere. Yeah, and your habits, it, that will help you. you walk. You can walk what- wherever you want. You move. Yeah. You open the door, you- You can put your laptop in a backpack and walk. Yeah. So- So what's the biggest lesson you learned that if you had to do it over, you'd pass on to someone else just starting out? I think when you do, when you want to choose whatever you want, like the only advice I gave to my son when he wanted to choose what he wanted to, what lifestyle do you want? Because for example, when we were young, it will be you are good at physics, you have to be in an engineer. You are good in biology, you have to be a, a, and it was… No. That's why many people hate Mondays Please, he was… Monday is already so much bullied. Choose something you love to do, because life is sh- I will not say short. Life is beautiful, but with a, with an expiration date, and we don't know when is this expiration date. It's not written. So decide how you want to live, because not everyone wants to live the same. People wants to be a nomad. Others want to live, as you said, like the order of, your colleague. And, everyone has, their own rules. So the idea is you… how… You need to live intentionally, live int- That's why practically- Yeah … I forgot to tell you, I'm launching a community for my 54th birthday. This is the new thing for my 54th birthday. Like, every… Yeah. Like, for my 54th birthday, I'm launching a community for intentional living. Yeah. That's it. So basically, like, I- I'm doing a summit called Alignment Before Success, and so basically- Mm-hmm … it's being aligned with your inner purpose, your inner vision, your inner desires, that what you say, do, think, and act are all in the same… right? They're in a narrow definition- Yeah … of who you are. Yeah. Yeah, and the other thing that, you know, as you were, we were talking about, runways, your runway gets longer when you have purpose, because, because the… This is scientific. When you feel like you have no purpose, your cells die off. It's called apoptosis. Yeah. Your cells die off, and the people that feel like they have purpose, and they have social connections, and they have, important, they have family members that they get along with and they have friends, and they love their life, like I love my life, right? Yeah. You do. The runway gets a lot longer. This is scientifically proven. Exactly. Y- I… Just to note that I'm sharing on social media since the pandemic, so I made things really simple that, people are not aware that are all evidence-based, you know? As a PhD, you, you can't do, you can't say things that are, that is not evidence-based, you know? And, Correct It's for everyone. Like, you want it to be very simple for everyone to understand. For sure. That's why I said having, feeling the progress, seeing the progress is important, and it will give you peace because you will feel that you're doing everything you can. You don't have regrets. Because we don't want to reach a day when we have regrets and the what if. Like, I will say, "Okay, I'm doing everything-" W- because knowledge is available, me, the magic word for me is acting. You need to act. Yes. Take action. Take action. Yes. So I course-correct every week. I'm tracking my weeks till 100, but if I die tomorrow, I don't have regrets, because I lived intentionally. I made every day count. Yes. And I'm saying it really at all leve- That's why I have these four cores every day. That's why I don't postpone my life, and this I learned the hard way. Not the hard way, it was instinct, because as I told you, I was born and raised in a war zone. Like, you decide how you deal with that, like- Yeah, it's like procrastination. I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah, I don't either. I always did my homework the day they assigned it. Yeah, for example. Like, you know? So you have a momen- midlife momentum audit, and I'll put the link in the show notes. Tell us a little bit about that. it's a very simple, very simple, five steps. They will ask questions, they will answer questions, and they will see… They will audit their, that step. Yes, where they're at. Yeah, where they are at. Yeah, it's a kind of a complex- And if you want, I can also share, I'm opening, like, a priority list for when I will launch the community. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll, I'll put that in the show notes as well. Yeah. just to tell you how much, like, how I'm, I'm someone who chase change, as you, like, the community is called Same Roots New Fruits. Oh. That's wonderful. I love that. We will not, Like, you can add fruits without changing yourself. It's not like you need to, to start over. No, you don't. Y- you will be the same. You are adding a layer, as I said, as the landscapes, you know? As in Greece, the sea, all the layers, all the people that passed here. There is always a trace. There is always a trace. Oh, yeah. I- I- And even when you look on the, antiquities, if you look at the Parthenon- The new Parthenon was built on top of the old wreckage. Always. So you look at the bottom underneath, and you can see the old, artifacts that are part of the foundation of the new buildings. So that's really an apt description that you just said. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So thank you, Salma. That was a wonderful conversation. I'm sure the listeners are going to really enjoy your take on things because it's unique. Thank you. It's different than the average. And you're totally fun. Thank you for inviting me. I'm happy we connected, and, Me too … we discovered so many things in common. Yes. So thank you for joining us on Break Free from the Burnout. Did today's program resonate with you? Give it a thumbs up or five-star rating, share it with your friends, and be sure to subscribe to my channel so you don't miss any future episodes. When you're ready to bring more harmony and alignment into your relationships, check out my free five-step relationship healing protocol at scientifichealer.com/relationship. Resources and show notes are available at www.breakfreefromtheburnout.com. Until next time, I'm Dr. Anastasia Chopelas sending you golden healing light and success vibes to becoming aligned, confident, and prosperous.