What if exhaustion isn't the problem, it's just the signal? What if the real source of your burnout has nothing to do with your schedule and everything to do with a betrayal you may not have even named yet? You'll want to hear this story. Welcome to Break Free from the Burnout. I'm your host, Dr. Anastasia Chopelas, physicist turned energy healer, and I'm here to help you make the quantum shifts to release the hidden blocks to your success. Your next breakthrough starts now. I'd like to welcome Lora Cheadle to the show, helping women recover from betrayal, not just in relationships, but in their identity, their energy, and their sense of self. welcome to the show, Lora Thank you. I'm really looking forward to our conversation. Yeah. You have quite a pedigree. I was kind of blown away. You were a successful attorney, and then everything cracked open. And most people hear burnout and think they just needed a vacation or a better morning routine, but you said burnout is often a symptom of something much deeper. Absolutely. What did your own breaking point teach you that the word burnout just didn't capture it? You know, it was interesting because it took many years and many other experiences for me to figure it out. Because just like you said, I thought, "I need, I need a better Sunday planning system, and I need to get a housekeeper, and I need," you know what I mean, "a break." And I did all of those things, and in the short term, sometimes, yes, I would feel better, but it would never last, and I never really could figure out why. And when I stopped practicing law, I moved into the wellness space, and I chose that intentionally because I thought, "How could you burn out if you're in the wellness space," right? You're doing the meditation. You're doing the yoga. You're doing all of those things, and yet I burned out again. It wasn't until I found out that my husband had betrayed me for 15 years of our marriage that I started learning about betrayal and what it really was and what the symptoms were, and I was shocked to discover the symptoms of betrayal trauma are very similar to the symptoms of burnout. you probably got gaslit and told stories, and that you're imagining it, and that you were the crazy one, and… All of the above. Yes. I, I haven't been betrayed, but I've been in those places because not just betrayal, but there's all kinds of other things that, that can cause those symptoms. So you make a distinction between burnout from overwork and burnout from betrayal. Yes. Of the, yeah, your values, your boundaries, and your sense of self. Can you walk us through what that actually looks like in a high-achieving woman's day-to-day life? Absolutely. If you look at the definition of betrayal, I wanna start there. Um, betrayal is defined as the breaking of an expectation that you have relied on. Mm-hmm. Now, not just any expectation that you have relied on, but one that materially ruptures your view of yourself or the world. Oh, yeah. So if you think about a high-achieving woman who believes, because she has been told, "You know what? You go to college, you go to grad school, you do all of the things, you get good grades, you're going to be rewarded." Absolutely, women are empowered these days, and it, people are promoting based on merit. And yes, if you do a good job, you can do it all. Not only that, uh, many high-achieving women like me also believed, "Of course I can balance work and a family. Of course I can do it all. All I have to do is try hard enough and be organized." Now, I don't wanna burst anybody's bubble, but life doesn't work that way, and that felt like a huge betrayal. Why am I not getting promoted as quickly as others? Why am I the only one struggling to maintain a work/life balance? And that feels like a betrayal because it's the breaking of the expectation- Mm-hmm about how things should be. Yeah, I totally get it. You know, I have my doctorate in physical chemistry and did very well in school, had high grades and all of that, and there's not, like, if you're an A student, there's not a line-up of A jobs ready to get you. There's not a line-up of A husbands available to you. Yes. And the other thing that happens is that because you're highly competent and you're a high achiever, you think you can handle it. Like, whatever comes your way, you think, "Oh, I can solve it," and that's not the case. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah, we internalize it, and we think it's all about me. It's all about me. I can fix this. I can do this. And sadly, there's really not that much we can control when it comes to other people, when it comes to corporate, when it comes to the government. We can only control ourselves. Yeah. And sometimes that's hard to come to terms with because I'm smart and I'm capable, right? So you work with somatic healing, which means the body is part of this conversation. For someone like my listeners, many of whom are energy sensitive and even healers themselves, how does betrayal show up physically, and why does that matter for how we heal? Mm. It shows up in a variety of different ways, but most commonly it shows up in the gut, in the shoulders, in the head, in this just weighing down. A lot of my work is built on the concept of flaunt, and sometimes people say, "Flaunt? What do you mean, showing off?" And it's like, no. When betrayal hits you, you crumple and you collapse, and flaunt is the opposite of that. It's the antithesis of that energy. It's the full expression, the full breath. Instead of holding, I'm expanding. Instead of waiting for that next thing to happen and tensing, I am relaxing, not in a place of collapse, but in a place of, yes, I am present and I can stand fully. And so often when we can stand in that place of flaunt, that place of I don't have to hide, I don't have to cover, I don't have to lie, I don't have to protect anybody, that's when we're more able to flow those emotions and start feeling better. Yeah, and the emotions actually will change. Like, whatever emotion you have will change your physicality, but if you change your physicality, you can also change your emotions. Yes. Right? So it works both ways. Right? Yes, exactly. Just by putting a smile on your face or even, l- watching something funny. It's like Robin Cousins watched, Laurel and Hardy movies so he could laugh, and it helped get him better Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? Yes. And I love that you mention that. And something else I want to say around that, because it's 100% true, but sometimes people will say to me, "Well, that's bypassing." It's not if it empowers you to do the deeper work later on. Yeah. It is if you just spend the rest of your life watching funny things and not doing the work. But we need a certain amount of energy. We need to be in the prefrontal cortex, not in the survival portion of our brain. We need all of our resources to process trauma or grief or pain. So whatever you can do in the short run to make your body more able, that's not bypassing. That's being smart. Yeah. It's, it raises the energy so you have the energy to do the work, right? Yes. If you, if you allow yourself to succumb to all of those really low energy emotions, then y- you don't have the will to get up and actually do the work and do the exercises and all, all of that. So you talk about unconscious agreements we make with systems, roles, and relationships. That resonates deeply because so many heart-centered women I work with are still playing by the rules they never consciously chose. Oh man, that's a big topic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How do you help someone identify those agreements when they're so buried that they feel like just, "Who am I?" Yes. It takes time, but what it is, it's systematically asking yourself questions. Where do I feel uncomfortable? Where does something feel out of alignment? Is this really the way things should be? Who decided that this is the way it should be? When you can just start breaking it down and asking questions, even where you don't think a question exists, if you just ask yourself, "Is this really so? Who decided this?" It starts opening your mind, and you can start identifying what's going on around you and within you. Yeah. It's like going to church and they tell you you have to fast on Fridays or you have to, genuflect or get on your knees and whatever without giving you a sufficient reason. You just have to do it because that's the rules. Mm-hmm. That's something that I question. For example, I grew up as a Greek Orthodox. It's something that I questioned the whole time, and, and the truth is that all of us have our own religions based on our own experiences, and following somebody else's is actually tough. It is. It is. And one of the things I just have my women do too, and I, I would encourage every listener to do this, just to write down for yourself in a journal, on a piece of paper, in your phone, whatever, what does it mean to be a good woman, a competent employee, a success? Because when you can start writing down, "Well, what it means is I am an overachiever. It means I'm never tired. It means I'm…" Then you can start thinking, "Wow, who said in order to be a good woman and a good mom, I have to be self-sacrificial? Where did that come from, and is that really true?" Yeah, I love that. I love that questioning because it's exactly… You know, I, I, I always question things. What is that? How does it work? Why does it work that way? And, um, being able to do that with ourselves, like I did it with science. Like, there are other planets? What's on there? What are they made of? Can I visit? Can I breathe up there? Right? Those are questions I asked when I was seven years old. Yes. And I didn't realize that I could ask that of my own life. And when I started doing that, things really changed, so I encourage people to do those questions that you suggest. Yeah. Right? So- It's eye-opening. Yeah, very. You channel a collective called The Librarians, non-physical guides who help reveal the soul c- curriculum behind suffering. I love that framing. For a listener who is spiritually curious but maybe a little skeptical, how do you explain the role that kind of guidance plays alongside practical healing work? I think the easiest way to explain it is we've all had that sense of knowing at one time or another. Mm-hmm. We've all had that experience. So it's not really crazy. It's not woo woo. It's, it's just something that we're not, we haven't been trained to listen to. You know, the same way we're sa- we will grow up and people will say,"Look both ways when you cross the street," and that gets ingrained in us. Oh, I look both ways when I cross the street. Mm-hmm. Well, what would our lives be like if we were told growing up, "Listen to that voice inside. Well, what does your inner knowing say? What do you know about this?" It's there, it's just been… We haven't been trained to listen to it. Yeah. It's the inner voice. We all have one. Mm-hmm. And whether it's spiritually connected or whether it's just because we all have what, what a friend of mine calls the Jesus seed, we all have this seed of this high spiritual being inside us, and that seed is the thing that tells you. It could be your subconscious. It could be your super conscious. It doesn't matter where it comes from, right? Right. Right. Yeah, however you identify it is fine. Just, just listen. Yeah, exactly. If someone is listening right now and quietly thinking, "Oh, this is me. I'm exhausted, but I don't think it's just my workload," what's a real grounded first step they can take this week? Not a five- You know- … year therapy process. Exact- Do right now. Right. Exactly. This goes into our earlier conversation about asking questions. Take a walk. Go outside, take a walk in nature, i- on the street, it doesn't matter. And as you walk, think about the things that you have expected. Think about the places where those expectations have been met. I expected a raise.

00. I expected… Just think about the things that you have expected in your life, because that is where betrayal comes from. It's the breaking of expectations. So just take a walk. Don't think too hard, because that puts it back in your head, and I'd rather have it in your body. And just think about where you've been disappointed. Not to have a pity party, but to sh- shine some light on, what am I feeling? And to be, "It's okay that I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a raise in six years and I've really worked hard." Now I can verbalize it, and now I can speak up and do something about it because I know it exists. Yeah. It's, it's also okay, because a lot of people I talk to are entrepreneurs, it's okay if your business still hasn't made a million dollars. Yes. And I tell people, "You're exactly in the right place right now, wherever you are, because all of the life that you've had brought you to this place to carry you- Yeah into your better future." Yeah. Oh, and I hear that, because we tend to focus in the entrepreneurial space on all these mega success stories. You know, "I earned 10 million in 10 months," and then we think, "I did something wrong." No, you're gathering evidence. You are growing. You are becoming a better, stronger person who can hold that when it does come for you. Yeah, because entrepreneurship is like the, the most personal development you'll ever do in your life, and each step- Oh, yeah … is a big step. Especially- Yes … if you grew up in a dysfunctional family or had a dysfunctional marriage, you s- you have a lot more work to do than somebody who's made 10 million in 10 months. Exactly. Yeah. But they'll lose- And it's the journey … 10 million in 10 months too. Right. Right. I don't know if you can- Yeah, we can do both … hang on to it, right? Yes. So a big part of my audience is coaches and healers who carry other people's pain for a living. Is there a particular way betrayal burnout shows up in that population, something makes it harder for them to recognize or address in themselves? Yes. Oh, this is my own shadow work as well. When we're in the healing space, sometimes we really think that it is up to us, that my genuine gloriousness can make you better. We can't make anybody better. We can hold space. We can provide information. We can encourage, but somebody's healing is not on us. Their success is not our success, and their failure is not our failure, and that can be hard. Yeah, it is. It is really hard, especially when you see suffering, 'cause I've done thousands of medical miracles. When you see suffering and you know that they don't have to, they can overcome it, they just seem to hang onto it for some reason. Mm-hmm. And that hanging onto it, like it's, it's a matter of letting go of a lot of your old, your past, your old things, but people want to hang onto it because- Yeah … a better future is not made with what's going on in the past, right? So- Mm-hmm … um, so that's true that it's, it's not just the healer who, who shows them the way, but it's also the person being healed who accepts that this is the way. Exactly, and that can show up as a sense of betrayal."I gave them everything that they needed, and why aren't they doing it? And how can I do it differently?" And then we're exhausted and it's- Not only exhausted, but some healers will take on their illnesses. Yes. Yes. And just that realization that I am at my greatest healing potential for others when my light is shining the brightest. So how do I take care of myself first? Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. That's a really great message, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's like- It's important … put your own oxygen mask on first. Yeah. Yeah, because if I can show up in a session as bright and clear and clean as I can possibly be, that's the most powerful. Yeah. So I'll, I'll put all the, your links and your information in the show notes, and there'll also be a bio on the About You and how to find you on the- Yay the podcast page. So you have a- Mm-hmm … free guide for people. Tell us about that. I do. It's a basic betrayal recovery guide, and why I say basic is because it can be overwhelming, and especially for high achievers, we tend to think,"I'm gonna go in, and I'm gonna fix it all, and I'm gonna do all the things." And this is like, "Nope. Here's just a few simple things," something for your body, something for your mind, and something for your spirit. And then that's going to help you figure out, "Okay, I need a little more of this. I'm good here." And it's that slow doing things for the process of doing it, not doing things for an immediate result. Yeah. I always say, like, I check to see what's the next thing. Like, there's an order- Yes … to things, clearing things. It's just like people want, uh, their liver cleared, for example. Their liver is failing. They spent too much time drinking, but there are other things- Mm-hmm … that need to come first in order for that to happen, and so there's- Yes an order to things, right? Yes. Yes. And we have to do those steps, and we have to take the time, and that's what the guide is designed to help you do, just take these first few steps to get you going on the right path because it's about you and reconnecting with yourself. Oh, wonderful. So what's the next best step for someone who's recognizing that they've been betrayed and want help? I think this might, this might not be what you're expecting, but I think the first thing to do is to allow people the chance to grieve. If you recognize it and you see it, sit with that grief for a moment. Cry. Dance it out. That's a big one. Take a walk. Phone a friend. Share. But allow yourself some time to grieve because again, so often we launch into getting help, and yes, you absolutely must get help, but allow yourself the chance to grieve, flow, be soft, and then you'll really be ready for that healing. Oh, that is, so great. Yeah, the grieving. Pushing it down only creates problems with any feeling, like pushing anger down or pushing that betrayal down or pushing the death of a family member down. Like, "I can function," instead of allowing yourself some healing time, right? Yes. Yeah. Oh, y- your, your insights are so wise. You can tell that you've been through this process yourself and, you know, helping other people. Like, I got very sick, so that's my thing. But, you know- Mm-hmm … this is a new topic for me, and thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. Yeah, and I look forward to staying in touch. Likewise. Yes. Awesome. So thank you for joining us on"Break Free from the Burnout." Did today's program resonate with you? Give it a thumbs up or five-star rating, share it with your friends, and be sure to subscribe to my channel so you don't miss any future episodes. And be sure to download Lora Cheadle's guide to managing the grief or the betrayal. When you're ready to bring more harmony and alignment into your relationships, check out my free five-step relationship healing protocol at scientifichealer.com/relationship. Resources and show nots are available at www.breakfreefromtheburnout.com. Until next time, I'm Dr. Anastasia Chopelas sending you golden healing light and success vibes to becoming aligned, confident, and prosperous. Your gifts are so needed in this world.